Self-Sabotage

Last I wrote to you I had expressed that within the month I was coming to a crossroad. One path leading me towards continued security and stability and the other, one of uncertainty and risk. After much reflection, weighing the pro’s and con’s of each decision and talking with those whom I trust, I made the decision to continue on the path of security and stability….for now.  

Does this mean I have failed in achieving my goals? Absolutely not.  It simply means I recognize I am not yet where I need to be and that it wouldn’t be wise to “run when just learning to walk”.

I admit, I am disappointed that I’m not quite ready to quit my job and pursue my business full-time but that responsibility lies 100% on my shoulders. However, rather than placing blame and judging myself harshly for all that I didn’t do these last 5 months, I choose to be empowered by this responsibility knowing that I, at any time, can hop in the driver’s seat and change the course (which I’m going to do).  

One of the barriers that has gotten in the way is fear. You might be thinking, “but Kelly, you’ve written many a newsletter sharing ideas on how to avoid giving in to such a thing!” And yes, you are right but I too am human and imperfect and always learning.

 I’ve become very aware that any time I get close to doing something that pushes me closer to progression or reaching a milestone, I self-sabotage. Recently, I did some journaling to identify why I’m engaging in self-defeating behaviors, and ultimately it boiled down to one thing. What if I give it my very best and I still fail? Fortunately, I was able to come up with a number of reasons to combat my fear of failure (I’ll share with you only a few to keep this short):

1.       The only true failure occurs when giving up on what’s most important OR giving 50% (like I have been doing) and expecting things to work out. Unfortunately, we reap what we sow and my 50% effort will only yield 50% results. Of course, there never is a guarantee that giving it my all will = success BUT if I don’t achieve my goal knowing I gave 100%, I can still walk away feeling proud of what I tried to accomplish. And if nothing else, I will have a better understanding of what doesn’t work and try again.

 

2.       Reminding myself WHY this is important to me alleviates the fear and anxiety of failure. Yes, I have BIG goals of what I want my future to look like but ultimately, I genuinely want to help others who share similar difficulties as I have and get them through it. The more I focus on failure, the less I’ll be able to help those in need. I can’t live in fear and faith simultaneously so why not choose faith?

 

3.       I am giving myself permission to not have all of the answers. One of my beliefs that pops up from time to time (and one that I’m trying to shed) is the need to be perfect. In all reality, no one is perfect and if one was, no one could really relate to that. It was once explained to me, “you don’t have to have it all figured out in order to help another. You just have to be further down the path than they are.”  I am ever-changing and always learning and that is 100% enough.

 

So if you are working towards a goal and find yourself giving into fear or resistance, be open to the possibility of failure (AKA learning opportunities), stay focused on your WHY and choose faith. Lastly, be kind to yourself and allow yourself to be imperfect. We’ve got this!

Until next time,

KELLY